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Bust Out Your Lingerie for Valentine’s Day

Okay, I admit this whole COVID thing has put a serious damper on the fun the two billion singles on the planet have been able to find in the last year, but as always I have ideas.

Ad: This week’s ideas from E. A. Barker are sponsored by Four Roses Bourbon—Established in 1888. . . because what is life without it?

Photo by murat esibatir on

In truth, it doesn’t H A V E to be lingerie; it can be anything slightly revealing that makes you feel sexy. . . because when you feel sexy, even a guy with one foot in the grave will take notice. Go with the heels though . . . almost ever man alive—gay or straight—will know what you are signalling.

It’s best to catch him off guard.

This is an exercise in the power you command, so do what you want; when you want; how you want, and don’t take no for an answer. Teach him a lesson if he resists. If you don’t own a riding crop, you can make do with many household items. Avoid rolling pins though, they have an ingrained stigma attached. 😀

Strut, as only you can, into the room where he is spending most of his time.

Maybe he’s chillin’ watching sports. Perhaps he’s on a Zoom call or gaming—all the better. Crawl wearing a grin so as to stay out of the camera’s view if it’s the latter. Place your index finger to your lips to silently tell him to continue while you play.

Photo by Sound On on

I guaranty, whether you are eighteen or sixty, this experience is going to f-ck him up for days—maybe even weeks—afterwards.

He might have always kept you on a pedestal—his good wife etc.—never thinking you might have a willing naughty side. This is your chance to change all that.

Feign innocence while talking dirty.

“Honey, I’m reading this book and I wondered how you would feel if said I want your c-ck in my mouth right this minute?” You will hear an audible gulp, some stuttering, and you will have his full attention.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on

And now for those of us who don’t have someone under the same roof. . .

You may have someone online you flirt with. You can f-ck them up in many of the same ways described above, even without the physical contact. You have no idea how many damp thighs I’ve been given by “harmless” flirtations online. Remember though, less is more. I find it amazing how so many women go straight to the hardcore when a dangling high heel, showing some thigh, or a not-obviously-staged nip-slip (perhaps through something sheer) would have worked wonders. I must confess, my personal favourite is hearing you talking dirty in a suppressed moaning whisper. . . .

Photo by Danielle Reese on

Legal Disclaimer: The Four Roses Bourbon company is not in any way affiliated with, nor a sponsor of E. A. Barker, and as such, we do not necessarily agree with, nor endorse the lewd, lascivious, lecherous behaviour he often exhibits when using our products.

I’m going on twitter now. If our political leaders have taught us anything lately, it’s if you are unimpaired enough to sign in, you can tweet. See you there, kittens. Remember to delete those tweets when you are sober again. I keep forgetting that part.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

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